I’m A Better Mother In Summer

This statement make me frustrated. Irritated. And a bunch of other words that end in “ated.” For lots of reasons. Because summer is short. Because summer is hot. Because summer makes my hair go all kinky. But mainly because it’s true.
Take this summer, for instance. For three longs months, these sorts of statements regularly came out of my mouth when I conversed with my children:

“What do y’all want to do today?”
“Hey, let’s hop in the car for Sonic happy hour!”
“Who’s up for a pajama day?”
“When’s the last time you had a bath?”
“We’re gonna stay at the pool all afternoon, ‘cause we have nothing else goin’ on.”
“No, really. The pool is pretty much the same as bathing.”
“Anyone want more ice cream?”
“Popsicle for breakfast? Get me one, too!”
“Nah, don’t worry about making your bed.”

And lots of other similar things that I can’t think of right now. Besides, the list would probably get boring to read.

But…now. Now. NOW summer is over, and in its glorious aftermath, we’ve been coldly dumped in the unfair land of stupid school. So in the span of six short days, my vocabulary has been reduced to this:

“Wake up!”
“Hurry up!”
“Find your shoes!”
“Get in the car!”

And that’s it. Not nearly as fun, and I like to think of myself as a fairly fun mom. Which is SUCH a true statement…in the summer. But for the other nine months of the year, I’m a bit of a freaked-out crazy person. I would even bet money that if someone hid a camera in my home and recorded the goings-on of a school day morning (Do not do this. I will hunt you down. Right after I die of embarrassment), those above statements would be the entirety of what I say to my kids from 6:30-7:30 every single morning. Other than the “I love you, now run!!” that I scream at them last-minute because they’re somehow always late.


I’m thinking about drawing up a petition. And I’m gonna need about a million signatures to make it viable, so get your pens ready. And here’s what I propose: Let’s cut school down to three months a year, with summer/fall/winter break lasting the other nine. Because really, who needs math and science and history and all the other junk that makes up so many years of our children’s lives? Can’t the educators cram all necessary information into three months and lose all the other crap that our kids aren’t gonna remember one day anyway?** I mean, I can’t even add fractions anymore, and my life has turned out fine.

Besides, aren’t encouraging words so much more important than whatever the sum of X and Y equal? Shouldn’t one-on-one time with parents be more of a priority than diagramming a sentence? Shouldn’t super-cool, laid back parenting trump both?

Yes. Yes, it should. And I am soooo up for making this happen.

There’s only one thing.

I’m gonna need a babysitter Monday through Friday…because after that long summer, this stressed-out girl needs some serious time to herself.

Anyone want to sign up?

Happy Tuesday!


**Sarcasm intended. Mostly.

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