On December 17, my oldest daughter started coughing. A few days later, my oldest son joined in. Pretty sure I’ve mentioned this to y’all before, but since I’ve dealt with it so long, now I’m dragging you guys through the misery with me. You’re welcome. Anyway, then this raging sickness moved on to me.
Then we experienced the tiniest of lulls.
During that time, the clouds opened up, the angels sang, the heavens shone down its glorious light (though a glorious snowflake would’ve been nicer). And on one sick-free afternoon, I was even fairly certain I could hear Snow White’s birds whistling while they worked from my trees in the back yard. It was such a beautiful tune, and mixed with the lovely summer-like weather we’ve been having, it was nearly picturesque.
And then someone ruined the pretty picture by coughing on it.
And the whole thing started again. To bring you up to date, I’ve spent about a thousand dollars on doctor visits, bought enough medication to more than recoup my money under the cover of darkness on the street corner in front of my house (if I were so inclined—which I’m not, because drug dealing is just wrong. Not to mention I’m too tired to stand outside at night). And the past two weeks, I’ve passed more time on my sofa with an ailing child in my lap than I’ve spent doing anything else. And I’m not good at sitting.
I AM, however, totally awesome at napping—not to brag, but I can nap sitting straight up without a pillow in sight—but how much sleep does one person need?
Anyway, there’s not a lot to do on a sofa. It’s boring. It makes me fidgety. I start noticing things like crumbs on the floor and books tossed carelessly on the bookcase and cobwebs in the corners and a dinner plate under the recliner (why??) and other things I’d rather not notice because I really hate to clean. It’s exhausting. No fun at all.
Ignorance is bliss, as they say. Which makes me a very blissful person.
So to pass the time and to keep my (questionable) sanity, here are a few things I’ve done over the past couple days:
1. Googled Wikipedia, just to see their cool, black protest screen.
2. Googled it again, just to see if the protest was over.
3. Googled Google to see the black strip over their logo, supposedly in support for the Wikipedia protest.
4. Googled “protest” to see what everyone was protesting. Still don’t understand it, but totally support it.
5. Updated my Facebook status every hour to look like I’m leading a very busy life.
6. Learned how to play “Where’s My Water” on my iPhone, which is actually a pre-school game, but surprisingly entertaining.
7. Bought an advanced version of “Where’s My Water” when I reached the highest level, because it turns out I’m a whiz at these pre-school games.
8. Watched way too many episodes of Wow Wow Wubbzy.
9. Watched Mrs. Obama’s acting debut on iCarly.
10. Decided Mrs. Obama seems pretty cool, but needs to stick to First-Ladying.
11. Read a book.
12. Read old copy of Martha Stewart Living, where I learned the best way to make homemade cleaning supplies.
13. Cursed the cobweb in corner. And the dinner plate still under the chair.
14. Did a few leg lifts to increase circulation.
15. Stopped after five because of shortness of breath.
16. Decided circulation is overrated.
17. Read that Mitt Romney earned $357,000 in speaking fees alone last year.
18. Tried to book speaking engagement, but no one seemed all that interested in hearing from a mom who sits on couches all day. Darn those Rotary clubs.
19. Decided to get up and take bath. Because after all that lying on the sofa, might as well end the day lying in a bathtub.
20. Thought “Ah, this is nice.”
21. Grew alarmed when daughter ran in yelling, “I’m gonna be sick!”
22. Screamed, “Not on the floor! Not on the floor!”
23. Became horrified when she looked around, panicked, and tossed her cookies in the closest thing she could find. Nevermind me there.
24. Turned green…and cursed.
25. Repented for all that cursing.
And on that happy note, have an awesome week!