I’m Tired

I realize the title of this blog sounds negative, and that’s because it is. Sort of. But right now, I’m feeling a bit that way—a strange way to be when you’re a mostly positive girl.

But I’m tired. Bone-deep tired. Soul tired. Eyes-all-cried-out-but-then-starting-up-again tired. And when I start to feel that way, the best way to process is to write. (It’s the best way for me to process when all things are good, too, but that’s for another blog). And so here I am. I’m so glad I’m a writer. If I weren’t—because of my very real nature of being a hold-it-all-in kind of person—I would probably self-combust.

But here I am, writing it all out for you to read. Because I’m tired.

I’m tired of news stories that show yet another person getting yelled at, thrown down, beaten up, and/or killed with no chance to defend themselves.

I’m tired of being afraid to go to the movies, to school, to buy gas, to walk down the street because someone might open fire and boom!–people around you are dead. Gone. Here one minute and finished the next, all because of someone else’s insanity prejudice, and hatred.

I’m tired of people jumping on the political bandwagon without first taking a breath to process. For that matter, I’m tired of everything in life being viewed through a political lens at all. What happened to compassion? What happened to taking a moment to grieve? What happened to community? What happened to humanity and the very real need to hug and feel and cry and connect before lines are drawn and sides are taken?

I’m tired of false assumptions based on the color of someone’s skin, the style of their clothes, the status of their bank account, or the nature of their jobs.

I’m tired of people hurting people, whether for sport or envy or old-fashioned bitterness.

I’m tired of the trend I keep seeing, the trend of tearing other people down in the name of propping oneself up. That isn’t how a person rises. It never is.

I’m tired of endless competition and the constant need to one-up.

I’m tired of false relationships and fake smiles and making others feel less-than. No one is less-than. No one is better-than. A person’s value is communicated best when they feel accepted—no, welcomed—exactly as they are. Is there a better feeling in this world than being welcomed, accepted, and loved without condition?

I’m tired of thinking flaws are a bad thing. Flaws are a good thing. A great thing. Flaws are what make a person unique and different and fun. Show me yours and I’ll show you mine.

I’m tired of waiting for the next good thing instead of stepping out and making the next good thing happen. Nothing good is ever accomplished by waiting around—this coming from the world’s very best procrastinator.

I’m tired of hiding true emotions and being afraid to say what we feel. Life is short…way too short…to close up our hearts, press our lips together, and pretend to be okay. That kind of foolishness leads to the worst kind of isolation.

I’m tired of people being so dang offended. Life isn’t so serious, so why are we all making it that way? Maybe we should all smile more, think of ourselves less, and turn our eyes to the good a little more often.

I’m tired of thinking I’m a fraud—a writer in disguise, a person who doesn’t deserve this career or this relationship or this life.

And now I’m tired of complaining. I’m not a complainer. It goes against everything I believe in. So now it’s time for me to follow my own advice and turn my eyes to the good.

With that in mind, starting today, let’s make it our mission to heal. To prop someone up. To fight for them. To cheer them on. And to look for the best and believe the best. You don’t have to do it for everyone, but everyone should do it for some. The whole world needs a little more of it. Wouldn’t the world be a better place if everyone felt unconditionally loved by at least one other person who believes they can do no wrong?

I, for one, think it would be.

(Next time, I promise to write something light-hearted and silly. Maybe tell a couple jokes…do a cartwheel…dress like a clown. Maybe I’ll even slap my sister and take a cute picture of it.)

Until then…

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