Monday Madness

So I’m sitting here in a hotel room in Indianapolis where I’ve spent the last five days meeting with writers and editors and publishers and janitors, but all I can think about is that I want to go to sleep. Right now. On the air mattress I brought with me in my suitcase. Because I have two roommates and we have two double beds and spooning with other women just isn’t my thing. Call me crazy, but it isn’t.

So I’ve been at ACFW for a few days—schmoozing, carousing, and causing a ruckus with other writer people like myself. Which means I’ve spent the better part of the week hanging out with nerds. Fun nerds. Cool nerds—an oxymoron for sure, but whatever—who like to talk about books more than baseball, which is right up my alley because who doesn’t love being surrounded by people whose greatest passion in life is discovering the perfect rhyme and limiting the use of excessive adverbs? It’s practically like a standing-room-only playoff game, minus the beer, peanuts, and hot dogs.

And I’ve LOVED it.

Fit right in.

But right now I’m tired. So tired I can’t think straight. Then again, I haven’t thought coherently for a while now. Like, since I checked in last week. To prove it, here’s the way my mind worked at random times the last few days. Thoughts are all my own, though they may not be in order:

1. Oh good, we’re at the hotel. Wait—why did he pass by it? Maybe he’s going to circle and—oh, there it is again. Hang on, how come he didn’t stop? WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS SHUTTLE DRIVER??
2. Geez, finally. I never thought I’d get to this freaking hotel.
3. This hotel is big.
4. These rooms small.
5. I hope no one steps on me on their way to the bathroom at night.
6. Why is there asparagus on my plate? I haven’t even had coffee yet and I’m staring at green stuff.
7. My coffee did not magically turn the asparagus into Snickers bars like I’d hoped.
8. Did anyone see me almost fall?
9. If I doodle flowers on this paper, will the man teaching this class think I’m taking notes?
10. This class is boring. But not as boring as that brown tie he’s wearing.
11. I want to sleep.
12. I can’t sleep.
13. I think my roommate just fell out of bed.
14. On me.
15. Thank God it was just her pillow.
16. Is it normal to eat tomatoes at breakfast?
17. Is this fillet mignon? Is it rude to ask for ketchup?
18. Someone needs to invent a writer’s conference that involves pajamas, dirty hair, and Twizzlers all around. I’d totally go to that one.
19. Is it bad that I just ditched worship to read People Magazine?
20. WHY is Miley Cyrus riding a wrecking ball naked??
21. Omigosh there’s Frank Peretti!
22. Why won’t my roommate open the door? Maybe if I start kicking it…
23. Someone could have told me I was at the wrong room, but it was so nice of that lady to point me in the right direction. Interesting choice of fingers, though…
24. If I jumped from this floor, I would probably just break my leg. But at this one, I would definitely die.
25. I wonder if anyone’s jumped from here before…?
26. Why am I thinking about jumping?
27. I’ve had exactly one thousand meetings this week. If I never talk to another human being again, I’m good with it.
28. Oh look, there’s Gabrielle! I haven’t talked to her today…

And that’s it, at least for now. Maybe next time I’ll share a few pictures…a few more thoughts. Maybe even some virtual Twizzlers if I’m feeling generous.

Time to hop on a plane and head for home! We’ll talk later—

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This Post Has 2 Comments

  1. Serena Chase

    Amy, I LOL’d so hard it came out as a shriek and maybe scared my neighbors.

    If you find that dirty hair/jammas/Twizzlers conference, I’M IN!!!!

    1. Amy Matayo

      We’ll go together! Better yet, let’s start our own!
      And thank you, Serena. 🙂

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