Whitney Houston. Has there ever been a more beautiful voice? That woman could sing…could absolutely move me to tears with her amazingly powerful voice.
I, in turn, often moved my family to tears when I stood in my room with a hairbrush, a bandana tied around my mega-permed hair, and an oscillating fan trying to sound just like her. Because everyone knows you can’t sing properly without wildly blowing hair. Though with my can-a-day habit back then, the fan could never manage more than a slight flutter. But no matter how loud I sang, Kevin Costner never showed up to protect me. It’s one of life’s greatest disappointments.
It’s sad to see the icons of my growing-up years pass on, but it’s happening anyway. The only consolation? It seems that today’s artists are beginning to acknowledge just how awesome the 80’s really were.
Take the Grammy awards. Bruno Mars took the stage looking exactly like George Michael in his Wham! days, complete with the pompadour, the penny loafers, I think the make-up(?), and gold metallic jacket. And this guy is talented—also like George M. So here’s to hoping his career ends on a better note. And to help make that happen, here’s a friendly tip for him: Stay out of public park restrooms. They’re a gross place to go, anyway. I recommend holding out for a Cracker Barrel. Or at the very least, your local 7-Eleven.
So then Alicia Keys appeared…looking just like Grace Jones. And I really can’t remember what Ms. Jones ever did back then. I just remember she used to really scare me. So a message to Alicia Keys: Maybe you should go for a new look. One less severe. One less frightening to small children.
And then Adam Levine (I’ve decided to give him a mention in all my blog posts from now until forever, just because I can) and his awesome Maroon band of 5 sang a tribute to The Beach Boys. Now, I realize “Surfer Girl” came out before the eighties rolled around on the calendar, but I hadn’t HEARD of it until then. So really, that’s all that matters. And also, it’s the only way I could think to make it relevant to this post.
And then Lady Gaga sat in the audience looking like a trapped bass encased in a giant black fishing net. But that has nothing to do with the eighties. That just has everything to do with weird.
And then Fergie appeared onstage in an orange dress full of holes (wonder if she borrowed some of Gaga’s leftover material and dyed it a different color?), black granny-panties, and a pony tail so severe it gave me a headache. What does this have to do with the eighties, you might wonder? Again, no idea. But everything was super-severe back then. Totally over the top. So my advice her as a child of 80’s fashion disasters: Subtlety is key. Less is more. Except in the case of clothing. No one wants to see what’s under your dress-full-of-holes. At least, no one who’s just sitting on their sofa, eating Cap’n Crunch, and trying to enjoy the (peep) show.
And that was about it for the Grammy’s. By that point, I was just too distracted anyway.
Because by then, I was flipping between channels so often that I just had to pick something to watch. And since we’re supposed to get snow tonight for the first time this ridiculously warm winter, I settled on our local news. Where my awesome weather guy informed us to expect somewhere between 2 and 4 inches by the time we wake up.
I now have the biggest crush on my local weather guy.
Because this entire season, all he’s said are a bunch of nerve-wracking things like “We’re so lucky it’s warm,” and “Don’t you just love this Spring-like-weather?” And I’ve just wanted to throw something at him, but the only thing it would’ve hurt was my television. He would’ve just kept talking through my cracked screen, completely oblivious that I’d just bashed his TV head with a shoe.
But tonight, he said snow is coming. Which in my head, translates to “You can wear your pajamas all day and drink hot-cocoa in the morning and completely forgo make-up and all forms of standard grooming for a full twenty-four hours.” Y’all, it’s the hottest thing I’ve heard. Like, ever.
So I’m going to wake up in the morning…hopefully to bunch of snow covering the ground. I’m so excited that I’m not sure I’ll be able to sleep tonight.
So for now, I won’t even try. I think I’ll just sit here and watch The Bodyguard.
And listen to Ms. Whitney sing.
Amy
**UPDATE: We did get snow, but not enough to cancel school. Though it’s still snowing, so I’m holding out hope for an early out. So for now, my Weather Guy crush is officially on hold.