Road Trip Boredom

I did only two things this weekend: First, I drove nine hours north, stayed in one place for not very long, then pointed the car south and traveled home. To make a long story short—except for spending a few hours visiting family I hadn’t seen in awhile—this weekend was on the crappish side. But on the other hand, since I’m not one to waste an opportunity for adventure—or at the very least, to find some sort of way to entertain myself despite the confines of the most uncomfortable passenger seat EVER—I did discover a few ways to pass the time. And with each discovery, I wrote them down until I had a pretty comprehensive, fun-filled list.

Amy’s Comprehensive, Fun-Filled List:

1. Arrange books, magazines, drinks, and Milk Duds for easy access
2. Eat Milk Duds
3. Sigh
4. Attempt song-writing, because surely it can’t be that hard. Here’s what I came up with so far: “Eighteen wheeler, why you going so slow? Anyone ever tell you your tire’s kinda low?” (In the video, I totally picture me holding a tire gauge, and Blake Shelton winking at me from behind the wheel).
4. Read book
5. Read magazine
6. Decide reading stinks and stream old Justin Bieber videos on You-Tube
7. Read Taco bell sauce packets, all 29 of them. My favorites: “Dorito Taco: Dreams do come true,” and “Don’t hate me because I’m spicy,” The first one, because I’m a big Doritos fan. I may even have a t-shirt or two to prove it. The second one, because I say this to my friends all the time. It’s sorta my life’s motto.
8. Apply for job as Taco Bell sauce packet writer. They said not to call them…they’d call me. Fingers and legs currently crossed.
9. Drink Diet Coke
10. Sigh
11. Count number of adult entertainment/video stores in Missouri. Stopped counting at thirty-seven between Springfield and St. Louis, which I assume makes for some very happy men. Not to mention glassy-eyed and nasty.
12. Nap, hoping to pass time. Wake up ten minutes later with drool on face and crick in neck.
13. Sigh
14. Grow light-headed from lack of oxygen
15. Drink Diet Coke number 2
16. Grow horribly hot, turn air on high. Realize later that seat-warmer also on high.
17. Pass around blankets to freezing children
18. Beg to go to bathroom, then glare at husband who thinks stopping every hour is excessive.
19. Adjust stupid visor to get sun out of eyes
20. Break visor, and sweat.
21. Eat Snickers bar
22. Tear wrapper into tiny pieces
23. Shoot wrapper pieces like spitwads at kids through straw
24. Sigh
25. Search for Milk Duds, and find one on floor
26. Decide 7-hour rule applies on road trip, and eat

So you see how much fun you can have if you just apply yourself…broaden your horizons and find the adventure hidden in the mundane?

Like the next day, the second fun event that occurred. On that day, I unpacked suitcases and stared in horror at piles and piles of laundry. I could have cursed it. I could have slammed the laundry room door and refuse to face it. I could have worked and worked…mindlessly loading and switching and drying and folding while growing more bitter by the second. But I didn’t.

Instead, inspired by my road trip creativity, I wrote a poem. And recited it over and over while I cleaned my family’s clothes. It doesn’t rhyme all that much, but that doesn’t make it any less worthy. And this is how it went:

Laundry, I hate you.
You steal my Sunday and grow by the minute.
And you stink.
I would rather be outside.
I would rather be eating a hot-fudge sundae.
I would rather watch something awful on Lifetime
But instead I’m stuck in here.
I bet Jennifer Anniston doesn’t have to do this.
She probably has a maid.
But I don’t.
Because just like this giant pile of clothes, my life stinks, too.

And here’s to hoping the next twenty-four hour road trip…which produced the biggest pile of laundry in the history of dirty clothes…never occurs again.

Happy Monday!


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