Things I’m Good At

Okay, so the grammar in that title could be better, but it’s late and I forgot to write a blog until last minute and my laundry is overflowing and I’m stressing out because I forgot to watch “Bachelor: Behind the Scenes” on Monday night and how am I supposed to watch it now when I don’t have cable and it isn’t listed on Hulu as an option? Sigh. The things I have to put up with. It’s all enough to give me one giant headache.

Then again, I’ve forgotten so many things lately. Like, I forgot to buy Kleenex at the store yesterday. And I forgot that Saturday Night Live was LIVE last weekend. And I forgot that my daughter’s doctor appointment for her sports physical was next Wednesday instead of this Wednesday, which is when I showed up after pulling her out of school. Funny thing about that: when you arrive a week early, they somehow manage to fit you in the schedule. Maybe it was out of pity. Maybe it was because they couldn’t stomach the thought of me and my forgetfulness showing up again seven days later. Either way, since it worked so well, I’m planning on doing this from now on—for hair appointments, vet appointments, hot-stone massage appointments (that’s a joke), church…though I’m not sure my pastor will accommodate me on this seeing as he usually preaches on Sundays instead of Wednesdays. But it’s worth a shot. I’ll keep you posted.

Anyway, things worked out pretty well on the showing up a week early thing. So well, in fact, that I started thinking of other things I’m good at. Because getting things wrong on a regular basis is hardly my only talent. So I thought I’d list my talents now. Not for bragging purposes, but just because sometimes we have to look for the good in ourselves and share them with the, oh, three or four people who read our blogs. Like I’m gonna do right now.

Things I’m Good At:
1. Sitting. Like, I can do it for hours. I have done it for hours. Not today, but other days. Lots of other days. The only downside is that I’m worried my butt is getting bigger but I can’t really tell because I can’t see it very well no matter how fast I try to twist in place.
2. Eating Junk Food. For instance, I just ate a cupcake, and no frosting stuck to my fingers when I peeled back the paper liner. None. Do you have any idea how long it takes to perfect this skill?
3. Singing in the Car. And I don’t even care that sometimes people look at me. And point. And laugh a little. If they could hear how good I sound, they wouldn’t be laughing. They’d be crying from intense jealousy. True story.
4. Googling pictures of Adam Levine. This can take up so much time and effort that I don’t always have, but you know what they say: “What doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger.” They also say “Good things come to those who wait,” but I’m not sure what I’m waiting for, and besides, neither sayings apply to my fascination with Mr. Levine. They just seemed like something to type.
5. Not washing my hair. Seriously, I can go weeks. Months, even. Probably. So far, the longest I’ve gone is forty-eight hours. Not quite a week or a month, but sometimes it’s all about building stamina…
6. Sleeping. Which is what I should be doing right now.
7. Flipping open pocket knives. Which means the new TSA guidelines couldn’t have come at a better time. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve needed a knife on a flight from, say, my hometown to Dallas for cutting my pretzels or cleaning out the bottom of my sneaker. Kudos, TSA. Now about that toothpaste…
8. Watching television. Which is what I should NOT be doing right now, because it’s distracting me. But this year alone, I have watched an entire series of Lost, am halfway through Prison Break, and I have Castle waiting in the wings. That’s a lot of mindless entertainment, folks. And not everyone can pull off mindless as well as me.
9. General hanging out. Ask my husband. I’m the world’s best at doing nothing and calling it work. Now, not just anyone can do this–it’s an art that takes practice. I wouldn’t recommend it for the faint of heart.

So see, everyone has talents. All you have to do is look for them. That’s my challenge to you this week: when you’re particularly down on yourself—say, you misscheduled your child’s doctor appointment or forgot to sign permission slip for a field trip until the last possible second (that’s me!)–try to forget about it and focus on the positive. We all have positives. We all have attributes that other people wish they had.

Like, not everyone can blow spit bubbles off their tongue as well as I can. I’ve made five in a row so far, and I’m showing no signs of letting up.

It’s a true talent, y’all.

Happy Thursday!


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