Thoughts on Baseball

I spent Saturday afternoon at a baseball clinic–which basically meant someone was going to teach my nine-year-old some major throwing/pitching/batting skills, and we were excited. So wanting to be a totally rockin’ mom, I arrived armed with the essentials–water bottles, sunglasses, People Magazine, gum, my computer (of course I left the baseball stuff in the car and had to go back for it). Anyway, we made it inside, went through registration, switched out a dirty t-shirt for a clean one, and sat down in the stands.

Then, the guy in charge (a super-cool friend who knows a lot about baseball–he played Major League/now manages Minor League–I’m sure I just screwed that up somehow) began the all-important parent announcements. I listened intently…until about his fourth point. And that’s when my mind began to wander. Here is a LIST OF RANDOM THOUGHTS that floated across my brain over the next four hours, kind of–but not completely–in order.

1. Did he just say there is a parent room somewhere around here? Like, with snacks and stuff? Because I could totally use a Snickers bar and maybe a latte right now.
2. I should have gone to Starbucks, because they probably don’t have lattes here.
3. Shoot! I grabbed the wrong People magazine!!
4. Is it stupid to use a computer at a baseball clinic? Should I be watching my son instead?
5. I can’t find my son.
6. Oh, there he is–no, I think that’s the girl’s team.
7. Why is it so hot here? I’m moving into the shade.
8. Oh, for the love of all things holy, it’s cold in the shade!
9. I like her hat.
10. I look stupid in hats.
11. Should I get Botox?
12. Why didn’t I wear my yoga pants today?
13. Wow, the boys are running bases. I would die if I had to do all that running.
14. I’ve been here thirty minutes. Is it too early to go to the parent room? Where is the parent room? I really should have listened to those announcements.
15. Well, no one else is going in search of Snickers, and I’m sure not going first.
16. Which bathroom did he say we could use? The winterized ones? The non-Winterized ones? What does Winterized mean?
17. Why didn’t I dry my hair today instead of letting it go all curly? Now I look like a poodle. And I don’t even like poodles. I’m more of a Labrador girl, myself.
18. Will I get in trouble for propping my legs on the chair in front of me?
19. These jeans are uncomfortable.
20. Should I just pick a bathroom and hope I’m right?
21. Footloose…Footloose…kick off your Sunday shoes…
22. How come I’ve never been line dancing before?
23. I’m running home. I need a bathroom. One that isn’t Winterized. Or is…?
24. Dang it, I left my laptop in the car. Should I go get it or just stay here and watch? Omigosh where am I going to sit? There’s nothing but shade everywhere now and I’m freezing.
25. Darn it, I forgot to change my pants.
26. I want to eat. Like, now.
27. I really could line dance. I’m sure of it. Probably.
28. Is this my Diet Coke, or that one over there?
29. Crap. I’m thirsty.
30. I guess I’ll just forget about the Snickers.

And there’s the wrap-up of my thoughts at the baseball clinic, though I should add all the times I thought “I’m glad they’re having so much fun” and “This is really a great thing to do for these kids.” Because it was. Great, I mean. The day was gorgeous, the company was even better, and according to my son, the baseball clinic was awesome–practically turned him into a major-leaguer already. He’s practicing his tough-guy stare and waiting for the phone to ring.

Talk to you later.

Amy (who, btw, finally made number 12 a reality).

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