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I know I’m behind the times a bit here, but what is UP with Miley Cyrus’ hair? I saw a picture of her in People magazine yesterday—my intellectual weekend reading of choice—and, what the heck?? She looks like Brigitte Nielson. The lady from Rocky 1 or 2 or 3 or 4 or 5. Was there a 6? I can’t remember. (Apparently she also had an affair with Arnold Schwarzenegger, he admitted this week in an effort to save his marriage. Huh? Is that how you save a marriage?) Anyway, that lady was, like, fifty when that Rocky movie came out. At least I thought she was fifty back then. She was probably really only thirty or so. Back when I thought thirty or so was super, super old.

Stupid me, circa 1986.

But that’s beside the point right now. Because Miley Cyrus looks fifty. Stand her side by side with Lindsay Lohan, and it would be anyone’s guess which one had grandkids. So please, please change the hair, Miley. It’s too late for LiLo and all her plastic surgery. But the hair…get your hands on some extensions and brown hair color. I’m begging you.

In other celebrity news, fall television is back. I am so happy about this, mainly because Barney Stinson is once again in my living room on Monday nights. And apparently, he is going to marry Robin, which we found out last season, and which was also is a long time coming. The two of them are perfect together for so many reasons. Reasons like, they both like pranks. They both like laser tag. They finish each other’s sentences. And in TV land, they’re both straight, which is so, so important when you’re beginning a marriage. How I Met Your Mother…it just makes me happy.

And then there’s The Mentalist. Finally, Patrick Jane is back. And I am still convinced that he and I should be friends. Or maybe I just want to hang out with Simon Baker. That’s also possible. Now, I love this show. For the wit, the banter, the characters. But I’m really hoping this is the season they finally solve the whole Red John storyline, mainly because that part is kinda creepy. And also because I’m getting tired of smiley faces drawn in blood on everyone’s walls. Do you have any idea how hard those would be to paint over? Seriously, Red John, be a little more thoughtful. Next time you kill someone, use a Sharpie to leave your signature mark. Or some Apple Barrel paint. You can get both at Hobby Lobby for a really good deal.

And of course we all know how much I love The Voice. For two reasons. Adam. And Levine. And this week is the last week for auditions, which means next week begins the live shows. And there’s just something nice about knowing that Mr. Levine and I will be passing an hour a week in the exact same way—him watching contestants and me watching him. A bit different, maybe, but negligible. Really not even worth mentioning.

Finally, the only thing that would make this television season better is if Downton Abbey would start now instead of waiting until January. Why January? Why 2013? What happens if the Mayan’s are right and the world ends December 21st? Then we’ll never know if Matthew and Mary stay together. So please, please, producers of Downton Abbey, don’t let your fans down. If nothing else, move the premier to December 20, just in case. That way, we’ll get to find out if last season’s kiss actually ends in a kiss…or a slap across the face. It’s my (just in case) last request. That, and a bacon hamburger, extra pickles. With Doritos on the side.

So that wraps up my Monday thoughts. A bit random, but that’s the way I roll. Now I’m off to buy some blond hair dye and scissors. Thirty minutes later, and somehow the look has grown on me.

Amy